I was recently thinking of the couple years that led up to me meeting DH.
The year before I met him, I was living in an apartment complex next to my mothers complex.
There was a high school between the two complexes.
The very high school that I use to have to walk across town…
in the KNEE DEEP SNOW to get to.
After I left school..My mom moved to the complex next to the high school.
I’m not bitter at all! &^%$@*#
The high school was very large, and separated both complexes.
Her rent was $600.00 per month, while mine was only $400.00 per month.
I was working part time as a waitress, but making very good money.
That said, The apartment complex that I lived at was not nearly as nice as my mothers.
I could not afford to live where she was living,though. I didn’t have any car payment bills, but did have several credit card bills.
She didn’t have credit card bills, but had a car payment . My job was only fifteen minutes down the street. Unlike the 45minutes that I use to have to walk to high school…
I am not bitter about that though..Nope!
Not in the least. ;oP
Anyways, I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy a year prior to meeting DH.
The guy was a very nice guy, but was into drugs.
In fact, every single guy that I had ever dated was into drugs.
I was very much against drugs…
I look back and shake my head. What was I thinking?!
I guess I just assumed that all guys my age, were into drugs. They all smoked, too.
Thankfully, I never got into all that.
Another odd thing about this guy, was,
He was a country boy.
He was into hunting and farm life.
He dreamed of having a farm one day, just like his folks.
He grew up with three brothers.It was not an easy life, he said. But he had many good memories.
When his father passed away, his wife sold the farm,along with all the equipment, and was left with a couple million dollars to show for it.
His father died before I met him.
I met him at a party one evening.
We had went to high school together, but were not in the same circle, so never formally met.
After his father died, his mother moved from the country to a very upscale, condo lifestyle in Mystic,Connecticut.
I remember the first time he brought me there to meet her.
It’s always such an awkward experience meeting someones parents for the first time, don’t you think?
Especially when you have already been told that they were not going to like you…so heads up on that.
He already told me that his mom had a very ‘different type of girl’ in mind for him.
She was a Devout Catholic and wanted him to marry a religious girl, like his brothers did.
He also told me that she preferred a quiet, demure, type of girl..
which I thought sounded so odd, seeing as they all grew up on a farm..
In my amateur head, I saw “farm girls” to be obnoxious loud mouth, tom boys!
Girls who cussed, shot rifles,went skinny dipping in the creeks,and rode motorcycles or pick-up trucks.
You get the point.
That shared, I was very impressed with this farm girls lifestyle.
The condo was Amazing!
Everything was automatic. Even the toilet!
(I don’t know why, but that was something that really excited me at the time.
A automatic toilet that had a setting on it.You also didn’t need any toilet paper because it had this water wand to clean up with.)
She also had an interior designer decorate the home. She was quiet proud of her new life style, she shared. She seems to be a very happy widower…I silently thought to myself.
It was a bit of a drive to her place, so she insisted that we spend the night.
Different rooms of course.
She gave me the guest room, and he took the living room.
I remember asking her if I could have her room.
Was that rude?
I guess it was.
She gave me “a look”
She had a view of the ocean in her bedroom!
One whole wall was all glass!
She had an amazing canopy bed room set, with a huge walk in closet with a chandelier!
I remember commenting on the pure white shaggy rug in her bedroom.
I asked her doesn’t she worry it would get dirty?
She told me that she was never able to have anything nice on the farm, and towards the end, her husband was in a wheel chair and became very mean. He would ram his chair into all the furniture.
She said she couldn’t be more happy now, being surrounded by so many nice things.
Then she looked down at my feet and told me that I needed to take my shoes off. That she should have told me that sooner.
She made a delicious Lamb chop dinner that night, and We stayed up late talking.
I was asked all the usual questions.. that all my boyfriends mothers liked to ask me…
What religion was I?
Where am I from?
How much education do I have?
What do my parents do for a living?
Are they still together?
How many siblings do I have?
Where do I work?
What are my future plans?
and am I in love with their son?
It was always such a dreadful interrogation. But I pretty much kept the same answers…
Dropped out of school, but went back to night school and graduated.
My dads a cop, moms a waitress.
Parents divorced when I was five.
I am a waitress.
I have no future plans. No goals.
No I don’t love her son. Not looking for love, just fun.
Thinking about it now, as a mother/parent. I suppose I sounded like a real loser girl! *sigh*
However, His mom was different from all the others. Normally, the mothers just never liked me, and let me know right off the back…But his mom started off so sweet and kind..right up until we were getting ready to leave the next day.
He excused himself, and left to go fill up the gas tank. Leaving me alone with her.
As soon as he left, she walked over to me, placed her hands on my shoulders, and told me that I better not hurt her son, and that if I thought for one second that I was going to see any of the money that he was going to inherit, I better think again. And that I would never be good enough for him.
It was such harsh words!
Shocked by her sudden outburst, I told her that I was not planning on ever getting married.
Thankfully, he was not gone long. And I never told him what his mother said to me. I have always thought a girl should never come in between a mother and sons relationship. A guy can talk bad about his mother to you, but it is best for you to never agree with anything he says, regardless of whether it’s true of not..It is best to remain neutral.
Blood is thicker then water, and when he is done getting mad at her, she will always be the women responsible for giving him life. And I think that deserves a level of respect, in itself.
I had several more run-ins with his mom throughout that year, but always kept quiet about it.
We were together for a little over a year.
We really had nothing in common..And we started arguing about him doing drugs all the time, and then hunting animals, and asking me to cook them.
I just couldn’t do it.
I remember one time he came to see me. He walked into my apartment holding a dead squirrel by the tail..
I still have the mental visual of the trail of blood dripping all over my hardwood floors. Gross!
My mom liked him, ironically..And that was always a positive thing to me.
My mom has always had very high standards to who she wanted me to be with, and I tried to make her happy, and not be a screw-up.
After about a year, we mutually decided that we were not meant to be a couple any more. Not only that, but he told me that he was in love with one of my best friends.
She was married at the time, and also went to school with him..She knew who he was, where I did not.
However,She ended up getting pregnant, and marrying another guy we went to school with. But THAT husband was physically abusive to her. He was constantly putting her in the hospital. Black eyes, broken nose, And the last straw, was the broken rib cage. Or so I thought.
One night when she was in the hospital her husband came over to my apartment to pick me up to take me to see her. He also told me that he liked me more then a friend.
I had already got THAT vibe a long time ago, so it was no surprise to me.
He was such a loser, and so aggressive. Married or single, no one I would have ever given the time or day to.
I asked him to leave, but he wouldn’t. I had to call the police to escort him away…And I never did get a ride to the hospital that night to see my friend.
When my friend got out of the hospital, she forgave him and they were a happy family again.
I hung out with them a lot, and at times it was very awkward. He was always coming onto me, and do I finally told my friend. She told me that she did not care.
Then she asked me if I would do her the favor, and be with him?
That was not an option, I told her!
I distanced myself from them for a while, and she got pregnant again.
I started baby sitting for them, and we became close again.She really didn’t have anyone willing to help her out.
She then asked me to move to Florida with them. She wanted me to be their live-in nanny.
I was always up for an adventure, so agreed.
I gave my two weeks notice at my job, and bought a ticket to Orlando, Florida… Which was where they were going to be living.
I sold all my furniture, and told my friends and mother, that I have decided to move back to Florida.
This time, to Orlando. They all thought I was crazy!
This takes me to the month before I met DH. He stopped in to where I was working for a week straight. He finally got enough nerve, and asked me out to dinner.
Yes, he was a customer, but it was very common to be asked out by my customers..
I told him that I had just given my two weeks notice. I told him that I was moving to Orlando,Florida, so it was only going to be a one time thing…He said alright.
That Friday, we went to Red Lobster for supper.
He told me he was a Christian. I told him I was not.
We didn’t have much in common at all..but he was different then any of the other dates I had been on.
He didn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs! I was SHOCKED!
A couple days after that..I finished packing up my apartment….when there was a knock on the door.
It was my friends husband. AGAIN!
He was drunk, AGAIN!
I did not want him driving drunk, so I invited him in. I tried to get a hold of my friend, but there was no answer. (No cell phone wayyyy back then.) SO I ended up calling the police again.
He left, and I knew that moment that I could not move to Florida with them.
I did not know what I was going to do now.
All my friends still lived at home with their parents, and moving back in with my mom, was not an option.
I already gave my two weeks notice on my job.
I already gave my 30 day notice on my apartment. This was not good!
So I called DH, who was not my DH at the time..
I told him what happened, and he told me that it was no big deal. That he had a house, and I could move into one of the rooms up stairs. And look for a new job. Nothing to stress over.
SO THAT is what I did!
Three months later, he purposed, and we eloped to Vegas, and got married.
As for my friend and her DH?
They did end up moving down to Florida, but his drinking became worst and worst, and he was still violent. She worried for her two boys growing up, thinking this was normal behavior. She ended up leaving him, moving back home with her parents..That is when my EX, befriended her once more, and they hit it off. They spent the last seventeen years dating, and then just last year, she sent me a wedding invitation.
They were getting married! FINALLY!
She wanted to wait till the boys were out of the house before doing so…
They never had any kids of their own.
She only wanted two, and he had never wanted to have any. The boys call him daddy though, and their real father is happily married with two more children, or so I’ve been told.
I did not attend the wedding, but have seen all the pictures. They look very happy together, which makes me very happy. <3
Some people tell me that it is not good to reminisce about your previous life.
I strongly disagree.
Some ladies have even told me that it is down right sinful!
They fail to realize that all our life experiences are what mold us into the people we are today. I want to remind myself at how far I have come.
Having many life adventures has taught me how to handle things that I never thought possible.
It has also taught me that life will circulate you to where you need to be.
You can not force your life to be a certain way at a time when it seems convenient for you. Or even if it is the ‘religious’ thing to do.
It is not possible.
And for those who say that we are in control of our own lives…
God is the only one who is driving the steering wheel….of our so called life.
We have freedom of choice, but God allows even that.
And he can stop our choices.
I am a firm believer that every single thing happens for a reason. Good, and the Bad.
I don’t see it as punishment though.
I see it as life experiences that will help us to help others.
This really is–The Circle of Life. <3